I made plans this Valentine’s day for my boyfriend and I to go on a trip to Philadelphia for a few nights. We had a couples treatment planned at the LUSH spa and an AirBnb with a beautiful bathtub booked. We were going to go to this adorable BYOB diner for breakfast, explore the city and have a beautiful romantic dinner together, he had promised.
We broke up two weeks ago. It was unexpected, sad, but necessary. I won’t go into too much detail out of respect for both of us and to maintain my emotional strength, but it’s pretty been deep. We’ve loved in ways that we’ve never seen before and could possibly never see once more, unless it just so happens to be us again someday, which I think it will, and so does he.
At first I panicked because I really hyped up this Valentine’s day. I’m a super hopeless romantic, so of course I love the day of the year that is focused and exaggerates love. Not that I need one day of the year for it to be acceptable when I’m mushy gushy and swooning over my loved ones and significant other, but it’s nice. The pink and the red and the hearts and flowers and bubble baths and all that. Romanticism, luxury, sensuality – it’s my thing.
He, on the other hand, did not feel that way about February 14th. There wasn’t really a reason why, he just wasn’t about it. When I proposed the idea of a V-day getaway his response was “I’ll go because I love you and want to go with you, not because it’s Valentine’s day.” So that was that.
Working for LUSH, these kind of holidays are always associated with our exclusive products that come out for a limited time for us to indulge in. They’re special, new, and unique. Our Valentine’s range this year is bigger than I’ve ever seen – and I was creating these magical bath ideas in my head for us to use on our trip. Roses, petals, chocolates, candles, the whole nine yards. I was so excited when our products launched because that meant I could bring my ideas to life.
It sounds materialistic, but you have no idea about the intensity of nostalgia that goes along with these kind of things. Every time I smell this year’s soap or bath bombs – or something that reminds me of them – in the future, I will remember how I am feeling at this very moment. How I felt when I heard him leaving me. And how it felt to use these things alone, instead of with the man I love.
I briefly thought about cancelling the trip. I couldn’t do it on my own, didn’t wanna spend the drive alone, whatever. I thought about the money and how I wouldn’t be splitting everything with someone anymore. But then I thought about how I already had cash set aside. And then I thought about how I already requested the 3 days off, and of how much more miserable and depressed I’d be sitting at home somehow even more alone, thinking about what could have been.
So I’m going by myself.
I’m taking the drive by myself.
I’m having my bubble bath and chocolate and rose petals and wine and candles by myself.
I’m having my spa treatment, by myself. (Although that was quite a depressing phone call to make – “hi, can I change this couples treatment to a solo treatment please? yeah thank u”)
I’ll explore and eat and take pictures and videos and love things and see things and live and hopefully laugh, by myself.
A retreat, by myself.
While at first I was nervous (as was my father, rightfully so) and intimidated by the thought – I quickly shut down that kind of thinking, and told my parents to trust me. I’m a big girl and I can handle it. I live my life on a day to day basis taking care of myself, not relying on anyone, being independent – so why couldn’t I do it in a different city for a day or two?
I realized that if I only shared memories with other people, that I wouldn’t have anything when they left. I needed to make some for myself. By myself. And so I’d have them, no matter who comes and goes.
With that being said… I will be instagramming throughout my whole trip, of course.
My blog instagram is @llauratheleo. Follow me to keep up with stufffs!
I also am intending on vlogging my trip. Sometimes I want to just talk outloud about what I’m doing, so why not turn on my camera to do so? It’s going to be my first ever vlog (unless I do something before then, but I don’t think that’s going to happen), so wish me luck.
I felt really obligated to blog about this, because I feel like it’s important for young women to have the confidence and independence and strength do make these decisions. Many other girls would have chosen to not go, or to take someone else instead. Trust me I believe that friend getaways are important, too. I’m not saying to travel everywhere you go by yourself. I’m saying for instances like this, where there would have been, and should have been romance and love by your side, but things turned out unfortunately.
Remember to fall in love with yourself this Valentine’s day. And every other day too.
– Laura the Leo