“I feel like this year… is really about like, the year of just like, realizing stuff. And everyone around me… we’re all just like… realizing things.” – Kylie Jenner, on 2016. Iconic.
I’ve come to a lot of realization lately.
I turn 20 next year, or, should I say, this year. 2017 is right around the corner, and I think it’s quite a turning point. If not that, it’s at least a time for reflection.
I don’t kow what it is that I’m supposed to be doing, exactly. Or what I’m supposed to be.
But I know that this okay and I can assure myself that I’ve still got such a long way to go… to grow.
As a Leo, I’m not one for getting discouraged with myself. I don’t think it’s a healthy thing – to look down upon yourself. Instead of shining any light on negative qualities I posses, I choose to instead highlight the things I do well – the things I’m proud of. This may be why Leos are categorized with an egoistic and selfish demeanor. We seem blind to the things we don’t do well. But that’s not the case – we know very well what we’re not good at. I can be just as insecure as the next person – we all have insecurities, flaws… that’s a fact. But I don’t believe in drawing attention to them. Maybe that itself is a flaw because I hide them for no one to see… but it’s my choice. I can have them seen if I want them to, I can come to terms and admit them to myself – I don’t need help with that. I’m not in denial. I’m just an optimist.
Anyways, it’s liberating to know that I’m not the best I will be. When I’m 25 I will know things my 20-year old self would have never guessed. And so on. I’ve only been alive for two decades, and I have acquired so much knowledge; so much passion, and I’m only going to get smarter and more passionate from here on. It’s truly a beautiful feeling.
However, some people (my parents and closest friends) would say I can carry myself in a know-it-all type of way. I won’t argue this. Since I was 4 years old I’d put up a fight about things that I wasn’t even sure were true. I’m just very fiery and passionate.
I love art, but I’m not good at it. I can’t paint well, I sing my heart out but it doesn’t sound good, I can’t read music, I can’t create physical things – pottery, ceramic, anything. At least, not at this point in my life. Maybe I’ll get better at those things some day. I can write, express, and imagine; boy, do I have an imagination. I enjoy writing, but I know I’m not as good as I will be. Sometimes I second guess myself on puncuation or a phrase – just piecing my words together can be a struggle sometimes. I’ll know that there’s a word I want to use, but I won’t be able to place my mind on it. And then I’ll remind myself, it’s okay to not know right now. I’m going to learn all the words, I’m going to find my place and if I’ve obtained this much in such a fraction of my life, there isn’t a limit of what I’m yet to learn.
Now don’t get me wrong, I still hate being wrong. It’s a constant battle I deal with inside myself, wanting to be right but knowing I won’t always be. It takes a lot of courage just to come to terms with that, and knowing that’s just how my brain works. Maybe that’s another thing that will come over time, maybe I won’t hate being wrong so much. Maybe I’ve yet to learn how to be wrong in the right way. But again, that’s okay with me. For now, I am what I am, and the future excites me.
In fact, the future thrills me. I have an entire plan, path, journey, destiny – that I’m not meant to know about yet. It’s like reading a book and the pages just write themself as you go on, so you can’t peek ahead to the ending. I know I will prosper, I know I will consume anything that lets me, I know I will feel things in ways I’d never know of.
So with that, I intend to let this new year consume me. I want to be humbled, vulnerable, and expanded. I have never felt so ready to learn to things and take on new challenges or adventures.
Take a step outside of yourself and notice, observe… look into who you are and who you aspire to be. Take each leap of faith, however big or small, to become that person.
May you all feel free, happy, creative and inspired.
Well wishes and a Happy New Year to all!